Dark Feminine

Embracing Pain

I sometimes feel so far away from the girl I once was. The one who felt wounded and alone. Womanhood has been a journey of healing, littered with the remnants of her. I think I’m whole, and suddenly I’m thrust right back into those emotions of pain. I carry this anger with me deep in my soul, which takes time to transmute into healing. Through celibacy and self-love, I thought I had reached a place where I was ready to attract my soulmate. The problem with this was, yes, I had identified all the patterns I needed to break within myself, but I needed to experience a relationship to learn the patterns I needed to break there. I thought this last relationship was my endgame, but I was faced with a major problem. In order to make it work, one of us had to sacrifice who we were. Our egos were at war with each other. I was willing to bend, but not break, and he just wasn’t willing. I was made smaller and smaller until I had completely lost sight of myself. In preparation for this new life with him, I stripped my identity piece by piece. It was never enough, and the lesson I learned was that it would never be enough.

The way a relationship begins is the way that it will end. For us to survive, I would have to keep giving until I had nothing left. The first time someone shows you they don’t value you is the moment you walk away. As women, we already live in a world that sees us as less. I knew things were over for good when I saw myself through the lens of younger me. She had to beg to be loved, and I was letting her down by doing the same. I wanted this man to be the father of my children, but I never would want my daughters to experience what he put me through. How can I teach them what love looks like when this is what I accept? That’s when I knew I had to walk away. Through this action, all those wounds I still carried from childhood resurfaced, and I was reminded that healing is not linear. I was, in fact, not ready for a relationship. The only soulmate I needed to find was myself, again.

Spending so much time in the limbo of this love has left me lost. I no longer know who I am or what I want, and I can’t help but feel like he won. Now I’m back to discovering myself, while mourning the loss. How do I embrace my newfound freedom when I’m absolutely terrified of being loved again? There’s no choice but to return within and meet this new version of myself. Trust that when she emerges, she will be unstoppable, and that will be my greatest revenge. Let them run into the arms of another, overwork so they can’t think, drink and party, and everything else that men do to avoid pain. We are daughters of the sun and moon; we are here to build empires of strong children. They will be taught to embrace the dialectics of life. In tune with their emotions, so there will be a lot fewer hurt people walking around. That’s the point of all of this. To embrace the experience as a collective and build a better world. One small piece at a time, one hard lesson learned again and again.

When I look back on my relationship, I think about the night he asked me to move to LA with him. We were at a bar; he was drinking Guinness, and I was on my second Jameson, accompanied by my normal side of orange juice. I looked at him and said with confidence, “I don’t want to.” Now I wonder where that energy went? Why did I spend a year fighting and bargaining for more time on a decision I knew the answer to? I prayed for the life I was living in the here and now. All my goals in dreams were in New York, near my family and friends. I was meant to be here, surrounded by diversity and culture. No hate to LA, but we all know there’s nothing like New York, and quite frankly… I didn’t love it. Maybe if I was millionaire I’d go there during the winters, but I’m not. He was asking me to give it all up for a career that wasn’t even his passion, just his safety net. I wanted to be present and enjoy building a foundation for us, but he had already left mentally. It was a lost cause from the start, but that’s what love does to people. We lose all rhyme and reason and just hope someone gives in, and it wasn’t going to be me. I will forever be grateful for the relationship because it taught me so many things. The most important one being. Don’t ever try to force yourself to change for someone else. The man was too small for my big dreams, and that’s okay.

Before I published any pieces, I spoke to him about my goal. Because I have love and respect for him, I wanted to tell him directly that I was going to be very honest and candid about my experience before publishing it for the world. He was supportive until he began to read my material, and then I began to receive the anger. Granted, I know it would be hard if I were on the receiving end of my often harsh criticism. Which disclaimer, I am an equally hard critic with myself, but it’s different for others. I truly never expected him to read my work, considering he never read any of it during our more than a year-long relationship. He asked me to stop writing about him and “using him for clout.” The problem with this request was that he was no longer in a position to ask me to prioritize his feelings. This isn’t about hurting him or revenge; it’s about finally speaking my truth. I had spent so much time alone and ignored in my pain. Not able to have any support from him because any emotion was debilitating for him. I prioritized him in the name of love and was left broken in return. That was my choice, my mistake, and the only one I have anger towards is myself.

The words I write now are for that broken woman, and all the other women in this world suffering in silence. My ancestors didn’t cross oceans and die for me to sit small in silence for the sake of a white man. Sometimes healing means triggering those who hurt you. Choosing yourself as an empath is hard; setting boundaries is even harder. I will not beat myself up for loving, but I will be unwavering in my journey back to myself. Everything happens for a reason, and if it took a bad breakup for me to finally put myself out there, then so be it. It’s absolutely terrifying to be vulnerable and authentic with the world. I am at the mercy of those who will see this and judge me. I know not everyone will agree or support me, but I was put on this earth to support myself. There’s nothing that will stop me from showing up. Shame and fear no longer control me. I’ve met my mirror, I’ve opened my wounds, and I’m not willing to sit idly by while they rot and putrify any longer. It is time to cut out the weak tissue and find balance.

Femininity is not just softness; it is harsh and brutal. In childbirth, we kill the maiden to birth the mother. We are creators and destructors. We have fought against generations of oppression, and the battle is not even close to finished. You cannot have light without dark, and there is no point in suppressing it. Acceptance is the first step in healing. Surrender to yourself and allow your pain to run wild. Then take that lasso and reel it in. In 2026, we are conquering our shadows and balancing our emotions. Embracing your dark feminine energy is about malice or manipulation, but instead finding balance within oneself. Like the moon, she shines brightly, and even in all her glory retreats into the darkness. We must embrace all the aspects of womanhood, especially the pieces that society feared. Therefore, they were kept hidden. You cannot guide and nurture if you are not willing to first challenge.

Women united in their power threaten the “order” that the patriarchy established. The Dark Feminine has unwavering boundaries. She does not shrink in the face of transformation and instead transmutes her pain into passion. It’s all about balancing the energies of light and dark for the ultimate goal of wholeness, like yin and yang. First, you must face the trauma that shaped you and then release it. To achieve wholeness you must accept that imbalance is part of the experience. Permit yourself to be flawed, as you are only human. If you are here to become your perfect self to attract a man. Let that thought go; these words are meant to inspire you to become so strong in your sense of self that you never shrink for a man (again). You can still grow with someone, just never hide yourself for the sake of love. Reclaim your power! And that starts with embracing your darkness. For this will make space for your light to shine.

Take goddesses like Hecate, Morrigan, Lilith, Kali, and Persephone. They challenge you to confront your fears, embrace the chaos, and walk the line between worlds. With many faces and many forms, women like the moon are meant to experience different phases. Our minds and bodies are too complex to be reduced to a singular truth. You are not just beauty, softness, patience, and love. There is power in your spirit that deserves a chance to come to life. Give your anger room to rage and eventually ebb. Your tears are the opportunity to flow and feel. The gift that allows us to create life also forces us to bleed and experience pain. We are not the weaker species; that was a lie told to us by those who cannot comprehend that true power lies within. Turn your weaknesses into strengths and watch how unstoppable you’ll become.